RANDOM DISTURBING THOUGHT:
I realized that somewhere out there on the web, there is most likely Facts of Life femmeslash fic.
I could Google to see if I'm right, but not at the cost of my soul.
MY TWITLIST'S TOP MOST AMUSING TWEETS ABOUT THE ULTIMATELY TRAGIC SLOW-SPEED BENTLEY CHASE IN LA YESTERDAY
Until it wasn't funny anymore, it was funny. To wit:
Wil Wheaton: I watched the OJ Simpson slow speed chase live, and you, slow speed Bentley driving guy, are no OJ Simpson.
Kennedy: Slow-speed chase on TV right now. It's surprisingly soothing and making me sleepy.
Wil Wheaton: Fun fact: Anne was picking up our son at LAX about an hour ago, and the slow speed chase went right past them on the 405. True story.
Wil Wheaton: So, you know, I'm like totally one degree of slow speed chase, and have that going for me. Which is nice.
Wil Wheaton: Anne: Maybe it's Carol Channing driving the Bentley! Me: Oh my god please let it be Carol Channing. Anne: It's not Carol Channing. Me: :-(
Wil Wheaton: RT @absinthetics "If this doesn't turn out to be an elaborate ruse to distract the police while someone steals the Hope diamond..."
Robbie: @wilw alerted me to the slow speed chase, now a no speed chase. The news isn't saying "it could be Chris Brown!" but they want to SO badly.
Wil Wheaton: KCAL has interrupted George Lopez to stay with the no-speed chase. LIVE. There is no way they do this if it isn't Chris Brown. CHRIS BROWN.
Wil Wheaton: If someone doesn't show up at the no-speed chase with $SOMETHING.COM on a sheet for the choppers, I have lost all faith in attention whores.
Deborah: Attention EVERY TV Station in LA: I don't care about a 30mph car chase - even if you think it's a celeb. Cut the crap.
Wil Wheaton: Goddammit, it's just some stupid random guy in the Bentley, and it's not even Andy Dick. Whatever, dude. What-fucking-ever.
Deborah: Heard on whatever station: "Speculation is dangerous" followed by 10 minutes of speculation.
Wil Wheaton: If this guy had ANY media savvy at ALL, he would have ended the thing at 11:26 for maximum exposure. EPIC CAR CHASE FAIL, DUDE.
Wil Wheaton: Okay, White Bentley Guy, if you start driving again and flip your car as many times as 70s television says you should, all is forgiven.
Robbie: KTLA gave up on the no-speed chase & said they'd tell you what happened at 5am. KCAL is doing the same. Pussies.
Wil Wheaton: BREAKING NEWS: It's a hip hop DJ from Miami in a Bentley, who claims to have a gun. No, not that one, the other one. Right. That one. Him.
Wil Wheaton: In my dreamworld, it was Andy Dick, he jumped the Bentley over a shark, and parachuted out while singing a Carol Channing tune.
Wil Wheaton: All cynical snarking aside, I hope this ends peacefully. Turning snark back on: What kind of car is it, and how much does it cost? I forget.
Robbie: Whoa, 3 giant SWAT vehicles just surrounded the car right up in the guy's face.
Wil Wheaton: HOLY SHIT they surrounded the Bentley with vehicles from the old GI Joe cartoon!
Wil Wheaton: Anchors on ABC7.com are speculating that the driver may have killed himself. I like my Andy Dick + parachute ending a lot more.
Robbie: Doesn't look like a good ending for the driver of that Bentley.
Wil Wheaton: Man, nothing ruins a good car chase like actual tragedy.
- Random thought, plus Tweet thread of people who are going to Hell
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ahedonia- February 10th, 11:54
cold
- Attack of the Status Updates
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- ahedonia
- January 4th, 11:55
weird
Anne wonders if anyone else thinks the people wearing that "Snuggie" blanket in those commercials look like cult members.
Anne also wonders if anyone else can never connect to any of the TinyURLs people post, or even to the TinyURL site itself.
Anne doesn't think her desktop has totally recovered from the virus(es) it recently had. It's even slower than it used to be, and that's saying something.
Anne thinks everyone should follow JohnCleese on Twitter, because it appears it's really him.
Anne is getting an INORDINATE amount of satisfaction and enjoyment out of her new aluminum can crusher.
Anne's been OBSESSING lately on, of all things, wishing Christopher Eccleston had not left the Doctor Who series so soon. She's just pining after his Ninth Doctor, and wants more stories of what he did so she can moon over them and wish she was Rose and SHE had HIM for her companion and you can bet the Unresolved Sexual Tension would get resolved in a hurry if she were in charge, ya you betcha. (And obviously, this is all a big substitute for romantic issues of her own and a wish that her life weren't mundane. Stupid mundane-ness.)
Anne's dog never wants to do anything but go out. He's obsessed with it. He stares at me and whimpers seemingly 24/7. He makes me feel like I'm not providing him with a safe, loving house, but keeping him in prison.
Anne also doesn't know what to do with her dog when she goes out to work. He undoubtedly spends the time digging an escape tunnel under the kitchen tiles that he covers up when I come home. Or making a raft out of raincoats and rubber cement. [/Alcatraz escape reference]
Anne thinks she should get an at least slightly bigger place with a yard -- to make us all feel better, this place was too cramped even before I got three pets -- but goddammit, moving for the sake of a dog seems like insanity. Or at least neurosis to the point of insanity.
Anne could also do like most people her age and oh, I don't know, have a boyfriend, be married, include another actual PERSON in her dwelling, instead of living out this constant bachelorette adolescence into her middle age.
Anne realizes that again, she's suggesting getting married for the sake of a dog.
Anne amends the above thought by stating that it's more than that, her whole life would be easier if she didn't try to do everything herself.
Anne thinks she's gotten off-track with this status update thing.
Anne is getting uncomfortable talking about herself in the third person.
Anne now thinks she needs to get out of the house herself.
- LJ Flight, plus Bummers
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- ahedonia
- December 22nd, 2008
gloomy
I was thinking of posting a poll here to ask if anyone else had been lured away from LJ by some other service (Facebook, MySpace, etc.) or if they were keeping up both. Then I figured anyone who had been lured away would never see it.
Little Things That Are Bumming Me Out Today.- Feeling like I'm catching a cold.
- Having a malware-infected computer and slogging my way through cleaning it. (Goes like this: download program, scan with it, register for new program, download it, scan with it, restart computer, download new program, scan with it, analyze report, repeat until you die of old age. Continue to have popups.)
- Spilling the beans to my mom that I didn't tell her about going to Vegas (so she wouldn't worry about me driving where it had recently snowed), and not only having her be faintly miffed, but finding out she would have liked to go, which I didn't even think about and probably would have been more fun.
- Realizing my favorite pair of jeans is getting too tight for my lardy ass.
- Worrying about being unable to control the expansion of said lardy ass.
- Worrying about the effect of Unchecked Ass Expansion on my hypothetical love life.
- Having a love life that is merely hypothetical.
- I seriously need some new clothes; I've been looking like a bum for weeks. ( But I've also been waiting to see what I get for Christmas... and trying to spend my money instead on an iPhone. Impeccable priorities, me.)
- Having a really nice time talking to a guy at a party over the weekend, and then suddenly having it go south for reasons I can't decipher.
- Having the lady who babysat my dog over the weekend return him, only to have him lackluster about seeing me and start staring out the screen door after the babysitter.
- THIS JUST IN: Having my cleaning lady get me a Christmas gift when I didn't get her one.
One Good Thing- The guy on OKCupid that I blogged about in my last post contacted me on his own later on that day or the next, without me having to send any notes, adorkable or not. :)
- This is the note that...
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- ahedonia
- December 18th, 2008
dorky
...I'd like to send to the man on OKCupid who sent me a very charming email and with whom I subsequently chatted with the other night, but who bowed out stating lateness (it was 1:30 am) and from whom have not heard since, and to whom I feel I shouldn't send this email lest I seem desperate and too apologetic, especially since I don't even know if he felt the way I'm thinking he might have.
::draws in massive deep breath after run-on sentence::Hi. Hope I didn't talk (type?) your ears (eyes?) off the other night. I am typically a night owl, who sometimes doesn't tire out when others do.
But it's also just that...well, frankly I give up on this service, at least mentally, very often. I got a message today from an 18 yo kid in the UK who wants to "chat with ladies that are older" than him. My profile is most often cruised by men who qualify for the senior discount. I just got an illiterate message from some guy in Alabama who claims to be an American by birth, but can't be bothered to use articles, for some reason. Maybe he's actually foreign, which I suspect. Maybe it's that he's from Alabama. The two may be the same thing.
Which is just to say that: being messaged by an age-appropriate, well-spoken man with a clever profile and good taste in movies may have turned my chat proclivities up to 11. I assure you such tendencies die down remarkably with repeat exposure -- unless you like to dork out too, in which case they'll amplify, but hopefully you'll be doing the same.
- The Magic of Ham
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- ahedonia
- December 8th, 2008
While walking my dog this morning, on the outskirts of the CVS parking lot we came across an entire, unopened, economy-size pack of hot dogs resting in the grass, as well as an OPENED economy-size pack of lunchmeat. Ham flowed freely from the plastic wrap wound, apparently and surprisingly fresh.
It was dog nirvana. It was winning the Dog Lottery.
Now it's not as though we don't find plenty of food enticements when we go walking. Simon informs me of their suitability for consumption with his enthusiastic attitude, just in case my limited human faculties can't sense their delectableness. There was the 3/4 of a pizza dropped in the bushes - its blackened, curled slices were just getting good, having probably been there no more than a week. There was the small nest of dropped donut holes adorning the sidewalk by the Yum Yum. (I believe his current obsession with donuts and bread products in general began at that moment.) There was the dinner roll that I short-sightedly pulled from his mouth, merely because it was half-covered in the black glossy paint that had been used to spruce up the nearby lamppost. Most heartbreaking of all was the complete, whole, unstarted-in-on burrito in the street whose only problem was that it had been run over - or as Simon would explain it, had no problems whatsoever.
But this was a different case altogether. This was fresh ham freely offered in large quantities. He lunged at it with a gleeful attitude of "There is no way you can argue with this - this stuff is just how you eat it!" He got a few bites in, including the whole piece I peeled from the pack and used to lure him away from the spectacle before he gorged himself. (I figured "lose a small battle, win the war.")
I'm sure his inner vindication at that point knew no bounds. The world must have seemed to him like a magical place. I imagined his brain processing the new possibilities with a tinge of awe: "Dude. Go for a walk = find ham."
- A-Z Movie Meme
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- ahedonia
- December 6th, 2008
moroccomole did not tag me to do this, but I read it on his LJ and took it upon myself.
1. Pick one film to represent each letter of the alphabet.
2. The letter "A" and the word "The" do not count as the beginning of a film's title, unless the film is simply titled A or The, and I don't know of any films with those titles.
3. [As regards franchises and sequels,] movies are stuck with the titles their owners gave them at the time of their theatrical release. Use your better judgment to apply the above rule to any series/films not mentioned.
4. Films that start with a number are filed under the first letter of their number's word. 12 Monkeys would be filed under "T."
5. Link back to Blog Cabins in your post so that [he] can eventually type "alphabet meme" into Google and come up #1, then make a post where I declare that I am the King of Google.
6. If you're selected, you have to then select 5 more people.
Asmoroccomole said, these don't always represent my favorite films (or even films I've seen), they're just the ones that came out of my head. All About Eve
Bull Durham
Catch Me If You Can
Dark Knight, The
Everybody Says I Love You
For Your Consideration
Ghostbusters
Harvey
Idiocracy
Journey to the Center of the Earth
Klute
Local Hero
Madness of King George, The
Night of the Comet
Operation Petticoat
Poltergeist
Quills
Red Dragon
Saturday Night Fever
Terminator II
Under the Tuscan Sun
Vertigo
Witness
X-Men
Young Frankenstein
Zorro The Gay Blade
Okay, tagging now:ropo, yasmins_anatomy, boymaenad, cavalaxis aaaaand... azarsuerte. (I'm assuming all my RL Bear friends have already been tagged by each other. IF you know what I mean, wink wink.)
- Tweets I never tweeted
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- ahedonia
- October 23rd, 2008
amused
Anne...- recently walked by a bong left on the ground in a parking lot. Wow, somebody was bumming this morning...
- later found an opened condom in an alley. Hmm. Big night last night.
- has a muffin top. Boom chocka wow wow.
- gets klonked in the head with a lemon every time she walks to her car. Not joking.
- has been wanting to eat an entire bag of candy corn since October began. Actually that "Autumn Mix" stuff would be better.
- can't find fake spider webbing in the drug stores. But I can find two rows of Christmas crap. Retail makes me want to kill myself.
- has no idea why her new feedback form doesn't work. She's not in the least surprised or particularly worried.
- is off to take her dog to the dog park
- will then find spider webbing. And paint it green.
- can't believe how much she's spending and/or working to make a front-yard Halloween scene. She NEVER does this. Wherever the real me is being kept, I hope I'm comfortable.
- Slow dog, take it easy...
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- ahedonia
- October 22nd, 2008
I happen to think I live in a cute, cozy one bedroom that is decorated really well.
My dog thinks I live in a claustrophobic pit of boredom, with no one else in it except two cats that pretend he doesn't exist.
I walk my dog three times a day, but on the way back from these walks he usually dawdles like he's on his way to the electric chair, sometimes just plain sitting down as though he's declared that here is where he wants to stay.
When he does, I usually sing the theme song I made up for him, set to the tune of "Camptown Races."*I don't want to go inside, doo dah, doo dah
It amuses me, but clearly Weird Al has nothing to worry about.
I just want to stay outside, all the live-long day.
I just wanna go out!
I don't wanna go in.
I've tried out and I've tried in and out is better than in.
*Young people, you do know this song, you just don't think you do.
- Live blogging my life:
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- ahedonia
- October 9th, 2008
Anne, the other day:- is categorizing Quicken stuff from last year, and is nostalgic for the time when she was making big-ass deposits due to her staff job.
- is going to get this tax stuff done if it kills her! And it might!
- is at not-so-Tranny-these-days-Boy's house, looking through his video selections and struck by how irritated she is by anime.
- is also surprised by how much time me and TB spend together these days, as friends.
- wants a treat.
- is dreaming of being at the Hotel Pavlina in Greece instead.
- just watched a woman try to buy grape-flavored cigarillos. ::shudder::
- thinks all Facebook updaters should get one chance to put "[insert name] just is"; after that, a fine from the Originality Police.
- is song-crushing on The Shins.
- cannot BELIEVE how much she spent last year on eBay collectible crap. She enjoys it, but SHEESH.
- thinks going over one's financial past -- especially when one has been sloppy -- is stressful. My chest hurts.
- Re above: seriously. I can't get enough air.
- Is not driving to Reseda to make love to a model whose real name she does not know, but she is listening to a song about it.
- is a fucking loser for spending so much of her lovely high salary money on stupid crap and not saving it for important things like oh, say, investing, possible house ownership, more travel, etc. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck.
- bought Steven Wright's newest album and is thoroughly annoyed by it. Maybe now's not the right (Wright?) time to listen.
- Can't stop thinking in Tweets. (Clowns will eat me.)
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- ahedonia
- September 23rd, 2008
Anne:- thinks of about 10,000 Tweets a day. She posts only a tiny percentage of them, though, for humanitarian reasons.
- sez Starbucks' overpriced, stingy little snack packages remind her of airplane food.
- thinks this peanut butter has a ton of sugar in it. Starbucks adds sugar to EVERYTHING.
- is NOT entering receipts into Quicken, preparatory for doing her extension-filed taxes in less than a month. Bad procrastinator, no biscuit.
- suspects that maybe she became a persona non grata at one of her previous jobs, but has no idea why.
- wants HostBaby.com to write her back and tell her if they want to buy any of her template layouts.
- wants you to look at her template layouts and see if you think you'd buy them. (They're meant to be band/musician sites. Each has a couple of variations):
SUPER-COOL-IRONIC-RETRO-70S-TSHIRT LAYOUTS
http://www.anne-hedonia.com/misc/red_car.jpg
http://www.anne-hedonia.com/misc/red_car_alt.jpg
http://www.anne-hedonia.com/misc/yellow_car.jpg
http://www.anne-hedonia.com/misc/yellow_car_alt.jpg
FLYER
http://www.anne-hedonia.com/misc/flyer_bricks_yellow.jpg
http://www.anne-hedonia.com/misc/flyer_graffiti_red.jpg
http://www.anne-hedonia.com/misc/flyer_pole_green.jpg - (thought LJ automatically made links out of URLs, but was mistaken, and had to go back in and fix them.)
- feels like the most digitally verbose human alive, when she gets going.
- really dislikes young men who "network" desperately. They make her tired, and she wants to tell them they're wasting their energy and heading for early bitterness, but knows they wouldn't listen.
- steals too many comp photos off iStockphoto for piddly little private uses, when for the trouble it takes to remove the watermark she probably should have just paid a buck.
- wants to know WTF is up who all these people I've never met but who have friends in common with me trying to friend me on Facebook? I DON'T KNOW YOU.
- is wasting time.
- More quotes
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- ahedonia
- September 22nd, 2008
Of recent memory.
Actually Funny:"Look at the ushers. See how they ush."Increasingly Obnoxious:
Tranny Boy (with whom I am still friends), at the Arclight Theater where there are indeed ushers.
"The cat expands to fill all available space. He's like a gas."
Tranny Boy again, watching my cat Gromit be a blob on my ottoman.
"Hey, you looked pretty good walking up the street there, I didn't know it was you."
Perpetually Stoned Neighbor Guy's idea of a pick up line.
- Things my parents actually said over the weekend...
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- ahedonia
- September 21st, 2008
nostalgic
...and which I love."If you lived with me, you wouldn't live with me."
My angry dad, to my sister's really obnoxious dog after it just ate my hamburger off my plate when my back was turned.
"It's the funny things that make you laugh."My mom...just cuz.
- I think of too many Twitters...
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- ahedonia
- August 29th, 2008
...so I'm going to post them here, as I think of them. And I'm going to go over the character limit if I want because I can. Nyah.- Anne wonders if she's the only one who doesn't watch presidential or campaign speeches or debates, because she figures the whole thing is merely a cynical exercise in strategy and spin, and that their words have absolutely no bearing on what they'll actually do if elected.
- Anne has to admit that, okay, the McCain/Palin thing did get her attention.
- Anne finds that when she has to walk in the glaring, hateful sun of midday, she becomes Sweaty and Squinty, the two dwarves you rarely hear about due to their stint in juvvy.
- Anne just walked her dog and encountered another dog-walker so stoned he didn't know the name of his animal.
Okay, breaking out of the Twitter!List for a moment, this is the rambling conversation he offered me:- He said he'd woken up at 3:00 am
- He'd thought: "Hey, no one's around - I should go for a jog." (Which, if you saw this guy... not a chance in Hell.)
- However, he then thought "better safe than sorry," because he's "very superstitious", so naturally he
- made himself some eggs and
- went back to sleep, then
- came back out at 11:30 am with his shirt around his neck (showing his ample, hairy belly) and a spazzy, skinny dog, whose name eluded him.
Okay, back to my own disconnected thoughts:- Anne had a rocking dream night before last featuring Johnny Depp, in which he was awesomely attentive, but at the end of which he inexplicably left. Wait, come back! WTF? Do I have time for a nap?
- Anne expects you to understand that by "rocking" in the above post she meant "raunchy sex dream." Just in case there was any doubt.
All for now... until I think of something later.
- The American Family Association needs you... to gleefully foil its plans!
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- ahedonia
- August 24th, 2008
It seems the American Family Association (AFA) has up an online form to send Hallmark hate mail for making same sex marriage greeting cards. What a shame it would be if people used it to send Hallmark support mail instead...
Takes a second and is easy to do. Please forward it along...
http://www.afa.net/Petitions/Issuedetail.asp?id=329
Thanks, AFA!
- Crashing on caffeinated rocks
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- ahedonia
- August 24th, 2008
On Wikipedia today, researching info on sirens (as in singing maidens, not, like, on police cars).
To wit: a quote from one part of the page:"The term 'siren song' refers to an appeal that is hard to resist but that, if heeded, will lead to a bad result."
Then, from a lower part of the page:"The image remains popular and iconic in a woodcut rendition (reproduced as a logo) representing the global coffee company Starbucks."
Some of you may have put that together before me, but...dude. That just says it all.
And it's working! Even as they announce their sinister intentions right there on the logo!
Theirs is an ancient evil. I wouldn't be surprised if their stores are actually little franchised Hellmouths.
- Seriously...
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- ahedonia
- August 23rd, 2008
sad
A little random, but it made an impression...
A user namedloftio made some Dark Night icons, specifically of the Joker. As the movie itself rarely quits moving -- and the Joker quits moving even less -- you don't often get a lingering look at him. Not enough time to contemplate what he is and what he's doing.
The stills in these icons give you that time, and thus make him even more disturbing, if that's possible. They're seriously hard to take. I'm just amazed at what an unholy nightmare Heath (and the brilliant makeup artists) made himself into. And the wayloftio's torqued up or dulled down the colors and contrast of the pictures change the effect of his makeup till he looks like he's constantly soaked in blood, which of course is apt. There's one clear shot of those few moments of him without makeup, just scars. The filmmakers were wise not to linger on those moments, to keep the fear ramped up with glimpses. Because even though he had scary, blazing intensity in them, you still saw youth. You saw handsomeness. You saw the glowing potential and lifespan of a sharp, soulful young man. I'm still so ridiculously sad that he's passed.
But here, go get disturbed: http://loftio.livejournal.com/9924.html?view=61124#t61124
- (no subject)
-
- ahedonia
- August 15th, 2008
enraged
If I read one more goddamn web-disseminated, non-ironic exhortation to "live life to the fullest" from some office-working, suburb-dwelling, Appleby's-visiting, pomegranate-martini-guzzling numbnuts -- or perhaps from some guitar-clutching, wispy-skirt-wearing, dream-catcher-displaying, biologically-sustainable-dog-poop-bag-buying, still-day-job-having "folk-rock artist" -- I'm going to forcibly export all said exhorters to Darfur and let them "live fully" over there. Because it's about experiencing "all life has to offer," after all. I wouldn't want them to be shortchanged.
The world is full of fucking morons.
- My latest Twitter
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- ahedonia
- July 23rd, 2008
I put: "[Anne] hasn't got a hands-free device for her cell, so while driving she just sets a small fire in the passenger's seat and sends smoke signals. Safety first!"
argenfargenblurgen stupid law...
- Inquiry about self-publishing
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- ahedonia
- July 19th, 2008
curious
I had an idle thought the other night, while out walking the foster-dog-who's-getting-closer-and-closer-to-not-being-foster-at-least-in-my-mi nd-anyway.
If you want to self-publish a book, what does that cost and what do you get from it? What's a good service to turn to if one wants to do that? I might want to put together a bit of navel-gazing.
Thankee.
- Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage
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- ahedonia
- July 16th, 2008
MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Old photos - Geneology
Yay! I look like Alan Rickman! And Steven Sodebergh! And, who is it, Donatella Versace? Basically anybody who has the same glasses. Wow, they all went to Lenscrafters, too???
Stephanie Seymour is clearly there due to some bizarre programming glitch.
Of course the least surprising is my resemblance to Eddie Murphy. Teh duh.
